Wednesday, August 21, 2013

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #69: The End? Plus, Gratitude & Lessons Learned

Wow. Thank you everyone who contributed to my fundraising campaign. We raised $5797 in 5 weeks! It's a great start and I know I can create something gorgeous with the money.

I have my photo shoot with Sequoia Emmanuelle in September and will be busy writing/editing during October and November. During that time, I will post pictures and updates as the book comes to life.

I plan on doing more live events/workshops in the coming months to help add to my final Indiegogo total.

If you feel called to contribute financially and didn't have a chance during the campaign, you can Paypal me at candice (at) theorgasmiclife (dot) com. Just make a note that it is a book contribution and mark the donation as a "gift."

Again, thank you so much for an incredible 5 weeks. I can't wait to share the book with you all!


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #68: Redefining Eroticism

Redefining Eroticism #69vlogs69days

Finding the Sweet Spot

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We hear a lot of conflicting perspectives on desire.

Oftentimes we are warned to detach from it, lest we spend our lives running towards pleasure and avoiding pain. This attitude comes across as a bit fundamentalist to me and works to deactivate and deny our fundamental creative impulses.

Or we are told it’s the fuel of life and that we should heed its every call; otherwise, we are living dry and colorless lives and stifling our creative potential. While this is more in alignment with my beliefs, taken to the extreme, it can breed attitudes of narcissism and entitlement and make us feel like victims of circumstance when we perceive that we aren’t getting what we are wanting.

I believe the sweet spot lies somewhere in between.

Of course, let us not confuse desire with craving, that passing habit of addiction which we use to desensitize ourselves.

No, desire is very much a feeling animal—alive and rife with orgasm.

The sweet spot brings us to the edge of our pleasure and holds us there so as to savor the experience and gently land before becoming bloated and numb to sensation.

It loves to rest right in the center of wanting and having.

It satiates while keeping the appetite sharp.

The Japanese have a saying for this regarding foodHara hachi bu. Which means “Eat until 80% full.”

And of course we’ve all heard the saying “Leave them wanting more.”

So when you feel your desire call, slow down. Listen. Really tune in to what she is saying. It may be a little confronting, especially since desire often goes against the cultural grain.

It’s less about totally expressing your desire and more about simply acknowledging and approving of what you hear. From the center of the sweet spot, desire becomes a conscious choice. And you get to decide how much fun you are going to have on the ride, regardless of whether or not the desire is fulfilled.

Oftentimes, it’s just as delicious to sit with desire—to hang out in the wanting. How hot and sweet is it to be sitting so close to your lover, swelling with desire, and only feeling the heat from his skin shimmer across your body?

So, neither squelch desire nor rush towards it. Slow down. Get present. Find the sweet spot.

And keep yourself always ready for just little bit more.

The following poem is featured in her upcoming book, “From 6 to 9 and Beyond,” which uses stories, poetry and visionary photography by Sequoia Emmanuelle to capture the erotic awakening of six feminine archetypes. She plans on donating 10% of the book profits to All We Want Is Love, an organization that ends sex trafficking. Learn more about the project here.

Unexpressed Desire
By Candice Holdorf

Cool raindrops on my window.
A liquid warmth insulates
The soft Sunday morning
(The grey skies
A cozy backdrop
For our scene)

My bare right thigh
Rests on your pajama-ed leg.
My right hand slipped
Under your left
As my palm inhales
The heat from your ribs.

You hover on the edge
Of a waking snooze.
A soft snore rises
From your throat.
A moment frozen
With desire.

This could go in any direction.

On the one hand,
I hate to disturb your sweet surrender,
Like a nostalgic portrait
Studied by professors
And glanced over by disinterested tourists
As they rush through the gallery.

On the other hand,
I want nothing more than to feel
Your lips brushing the side of my neck.
Your entire fist slowly twisting inside me.
Your coarse fingers mashing my left breast,
Squeezing out my nipple and tugging with your teeth.

Another soft snore.
A resigned sigh.
I pull my hand out from your shirt
In one, cottony stroke.
Unraveling from you,
I tiptoe to the door

Turning in time
To see your lazy smile
And half-opened eyes.
“I’ll let you get some rest,”
I whisper, as the door firmly latches
Behind my back.

Yup. Another Article About Sex (& Why That’s a Good Thing).

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Ah, sex. It seems like it’s all around us, huh?

We can’t turn on the television without seeing a scantly clad woman holding a beer teasing us to quench our “manly” thirst.

Or open our emails without receiving a barrage of spam promising us hot & horny women, bigger penises and affordable Viagra.

Or pass by a checkout counter without seeing women’s magazines offering advice for “5 Sexy Moves to Blow His Mind” or “How to Catch a Man (and Keep Him).”

From the evidence around us, it seems we are swimming in a sea of sex and it would make sense that many people are sick and tired are hearing about it.

However, the truth behind the “sexy” fa├žade is this: sex sells, but sexuality does not.

Post an article on healing your sexuality and readers blast the entire comments section with angry cries of how the author is a “charlatan” or the publication is “selling out.”

Want to build your business using Facebook? Good luck if you are a sex educator. FB now blocks and even deactivates accounts that “violate their terms”—terms that are vague and vary on an hourly basis. Sex toy shops, sexuality teachers and even breastfeeding pages all face shutdown if enough “offended” people (aka angry and pissed off trolls with nothing better to do) file a complaint.

All the while profitable mega-businesses like Hustler and Playboy continue to operate unscathed in the social media world, despite the proliferation of asinine and even disturbing hashtags like #TittyTuesday, #MorningWood and #BarelyLegal.

The over-saturation of sex-like images in our culture is an example of what I call SEX-sationalism, which is the sensationalistic and commercial use of sexuality for the purpose of making a profit. Profit can means anything from money to relationships to ego-validation. Like any drug, we need it, can’t live without it and have to have harder and harder hits in order to feel its mollifying effects.

We are talking around sex, but never actually experiencing it.

It’s as if we are in a restaurant looking at the menu, talking about the menu, smelling the menu, maybe even eating the menu, but not going anywhere near the food. We fill ourselves up with pseudo-orgasmic experiences, which leave us sexually bloated yet malnourished.

SEX-sationalism works for the business of sex, but not for sexual freedom. SEX-sationalism says “Drive this car” or “Subscribe to this site” or “Buy this handbag” and all your empty voids and insecurities will magically go away.

That is, of course, until you need the next “hit” of pseudo-orgasm.

While SEX-sationalism works from the outside-in (by telling us what is sexy and trying to sell it to us), sexuality works from the inside-out. Genuine orgasm teaches us that turn-on starts from within and that pleasure is our birthright and our most natural state of being.

SEX-sationlism depends upon its customers feeling “less than,” but sexuality teaches us that we are already perfect exactly as we are.

SEX-sationalism offers unsustainable quick fixes, but sexuality teaches us that it takes a commitment to presence, vulnerability and approval to plumb the rich and nourishing depths of orgasm.

When I talk about orgasm, I am not simply referring to that 30-second crashing sneeze known as climax. I mean that living, breathing, pulsing life force that births every moment.

Our cultural fear of the wild and humbling journey of orgasm is what keeps us locked in shame around sex and resorting to recesses of our shadows to steal a tiny taste of the erotic.

The erotic has much more than just the act of fucking.

Eros, the root word of erotic, is originally defined as a form of love connected to our fundamental creative impulses. It is directly linked to our feminine self-expression, power and genius. However when are we cut off from this source (as most of us are in this cut-throat and greed-driven society), we are left hollow, voiceless and searching for anything to smother the aching hunger for intimacy.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the way women are treated regarding sex. In the US, women are fighting to maintain sexual rights in the realms of abortion and planned parenthood. Around the world, women face such atrocities as female circumcision, honor killings and sex trafficking and are routinely blamed and often punished for being rape victims (especially women who work in the sex industry, who are considered contaminated and sub-human in our society).

On the surface we go, “Yeah, obviously rape and murder and mutilation are bad. Let’s do something about this.”

But when women speak up to reclaim our right as autonomous sexual beings, we are treated with derision and contempt.

To say that a woman has found her voice through knitting or singing or being a mother is worthy of applause and a 5-page spread in Ladies Home Journal.

But to say that a woman has found her voice through orgasm leads to everything from ridicule and accusations of being privileged man-haters to death threats and acts of violence.

We say that sex is all around us and that we are tired of hearing about it. I say we are not talking about it enough. The fact that we didn’t even know the full scope and power of the female clitoris until 4 years ago (yet had hundreds of studies documenting the function of the penis) is proof enough that even the medical field has a very cloistered and limited knowledge of sexuality.

Ultimately this post isn’t about shaming anyone who watches porn or reads Cosmo or doesn’t know the first thing about non-ejaculatory orgasms. It’s simply a call to action—a call to the courageous men and women who are willing to educate themselves, experiment with desire and free themselves from sexual shame, especially in the realm of feminine sexuality. From there, porn and Cosmo can be a conscious choice, rather than the default source of education and get-off.

So here’s to more posts about sexuality.

Here’s to giving voice to that part of ourselves that we’ve been so afraid to share.

And here’s to ushering in a new perspective of sex: from sex as a bartering tool that wins us scraps of pseudo-orgasm to sex as an expression of our deepest truth.

Monday, August 12, 2013

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #55: Threesome Anyone?

I share another poem from my upcoming book, "From 6 to 9 and Beyond"

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #54: One Secret of Orgasm

One Secret of Orgasm #69vlogs69days

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #53: Orgasm Begins with Perfection

Orgasm Begins with Perfection #69vlogs69days


69 Vlogs. 69 Days #52: What is Pleasure Threshold? (Part 2 of 2)

What is Pleasure Threshold? (Part 2 of 2)

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #51: What is Pleasure Threshold? (Part 1 of 2)

What is Pleasure Threshold?

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #50: "On a Sultry Southern Sunday" (poem from my book)

Hear one the poems from my upcoming book, "From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism"

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #49: Focus vs. The Ice Cream Man

Are you in your pleasure or your distraction? #69vlogs69days

69 Vlogs. 69 Days #48: Complaint or Dance with Desire?

Jet-lagged. Tired. Complain-y.

That about sums up how I was feeling last night as I crawled into bed, exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. I flipped through the TV channels. Some god-awful, real-life drama show following a court case. News channels that have nothing to report except how awful society is.

Then I landed on Comedy Central. Ahhhh, Stephen Colbert. An electrifying voice of reason in an otherwise mind-numbing world.

He was standing in the center of his complaint: Daft Punk, who had been to appear on his show and play their hit song “Get Lucky,” cancelled at the last minute due to an exclusivity deal with MTV.

He was clearly peeved. He’d been preparing this particular show for weeks and even secured a sponsorship deal with Hyundai based upon a promised appearance of the reclusive electronic duo.

Then Colbert shifted. His complaint transitioned to desire. He wanted to play the “song of the summer” for his audience, with or without Daft Punk.

The result is nothing less than absolute joy.

Actors, TV personalities and politicians joined him in his dance for a celebration that lifted my spirits and turned my complaint into a dance of desire.

Underneath every complaint is a desire. And when we are in our desire, our purest expression of orgasm (aka the life force that births every moment) spills out and we do the world a great service by sharing our love.

So: complaint or dance with desire. The choice is yours.

See Colbert’s Dance here:

Colbert Dances to Daft Punk's Get Lucky by daftworld

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Friday, August 2, 2013

Introducing 'All We Want Is Love,' My Partner to Help End Sex Trafficking

It's been two weeks since launching my fundraising campaign for my first book, "From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism" and we are right at the 15% mark towards reaching our goal.

I'm truly grateful for all the donations thus far and I have some exciting news about the project and how your donations can help make a global difference. 

Jillian Mourning, founder of All We Want Is Love, and I are teaming up to end sex trafficking. Her organization is dedicated to liberating victims of sexual exploitation and was recently nominated for a VH1 Do Something Award.

I have pledged to donate 10% of the book profits, as well as any money I raise above $20,000 to All We Want Is Love. We are both believers that the misuse and abuse of sexual energy in the world stems from our shame and disconnection with the erotic. You can learn more about why feminine eroticism matters to EVERYONE in this brand new video.

So please, go to my Indiegogo page and make your contribution
I have a lot of great "perks" for those who make a donation, including coaching packages, OM Training sessions, gourmet chocolates, massages, artwork, signed copies of the book and much more!

As you can see there are lots of ways to participate. If you feel as passionate as I do about healing our relationship to sexuality, we need your help! Your voice, your contributions, your willingness to be a part of this movement are the only way we can make sustainable change.

Thank you and I look forward to healing with you!

In love and faith,


Listen to my Interview on Better Love and Sex with Devi Ward

What an incredibly rich, fun and vibrant interview with Better Love and Sex's Devi Ward. Click here and scroll down to download last night's show!

Listen on iTunes!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Why Feminine Eroticism Matters to EVERYONE

Because we live in society still locked in shame around our sex, genuine sexuality never gets taught. Because of that porn and mass media are our primary source of sex education. We're being told what is sexy, rather than discovering it for ourselves, and because of that, sex becomes a product.