I have a confession to make: dildos and vibrators just aren’t my thing.
Call me a prude. Call me vanilla. But given the choice between a nervous, inexperienced lover and the Ultra-Deluxe Jackhammer Rabbit 5000 (with matching remote control and free iPhone app), I’ll opt for Mr. Fumblefingers any day.
What can I say? I prefer the acrid bite of unwashed skin than the chemical tang of plastic. I prefer the crackling surprise of connection than the sterile companionship of habit. I prefer the slippery slither of thumb than the gelatinous graze of colloid. And I absolutely prefer the untethered rhythm of Orgasm than the monophonic beat of battery-operated clit banging.
This isn’t to say that these toys don’t have their place. I am well aware that many women (and men) feel safer using these devices by themselves and have difficulty experiencing a climax through any other means. They often make a great (and disease/pregnancy-free) entrée into the sexual realm. Even I, as a curious pre-teen, spent many hours exploring myself with the hand massager and washing machine (did I just admit that publicly?). But using them as a crutch to bypass intimacy may truncate the evolution of one’s sexual maturity and ability to connect with another person.
Though I’ve experimented with them, and on occasion found them to be a delicious accent to sensual play, I usually find myself coming (pun intended) back to my own skin: my own fingers, my lovers hands, mouth, genitals. My turn-on lies not just in how much I am feeling, but also in how much I am being felt. And, from my perspective, phallic toys have very little to give in the mutually interactive department.
Plus, if I’m being totally honest, I prefer a little refinement with my smut. Chalk it up to my Double Virgo nature, but using a vibrator is kinda like pouring ketchup on top of filet mignon: why smother the flavor when the pure connection I am feeling to my body and my partner’s is such a gourmet feast? I am not above bending over and taking it like a good girl, but the heat of the moment loses its steam when I can see the words ‘Made in China’ raised in relief upon an instrument that is repeatedly entering my body.
However, I could be persuaded otherwise.
I recently stumbled upon the Luminous Love Toy Company (founded by wife-and-husband team, Valerie Reiss and Brad Carmody), which describes itself as “a sensual lifestyle company dedicated to helping people find deep, connected bliss.” Their main product, the Luminous Love Wand, is a rose quartz ‘diletto’ (which means ‘beloved’ in Italian) that measure 6.5 inches long, 1 inch in diameter and has a 1.25 inch bulb at the end to stimulate the ‘G’ spot.
What first appealed to me about it was how beautiful it looked. The smooth curves, the sleekness, the radiance of the crystals—you can tell that each one is a lovingly crafted work of art.
Secondly, I loved that it is completely free of toxic BPAs and phthalates, which are known to play a factor in disrupting the endocrine system and may play a part in cancer and infertility. For those of us who are new age health nuts (like me) who don’t use microwaves, eat organic foods and brush with fluoride-free toothpaste, the eco-consciousness of the Love Wand is enough to make any yogini wet her Lululemons. As Reiss and Carmody like to say, “If you care about what goes in your mouth, care about what goes down south.”
Thirdly, and this may sound a little woo-woo, but I appreciate the energetic quality of the materials used. Since it is a living crystal (as opposed to a manufactured substance), rose quartz possesses a quality of connectedness to the earth and to all life. Known as the love stone, rose quartz is thought to be healing and imbue those who hold it with greater self-love and compassion for others. Having worked with a jade egg, I have seen what bringing that level of consciousness and intention can do for your sex. We let go of the scripts we have of what sex should look like and are much freer to trust our own pleasure-based instincts.
Intention doesn’t have to mean the hippie-dippy, sage-smudging, eye-gazing stuff (unless you are into that—and, admittedly, I am). It can be as simple as slowing down, connecting to your desire and whispering to your partner, “I’d like to invite the spirit of feral play in our sex today,” or, “I want to practice verbal communication. Will you please lightly caress my nipple with the tip of your tongue?”
Finally, the Love Wand is easy to clean—just a little soap and water—unlike other toys I’ve tried, which can get fuzz caught in them or bacteria built up in the folds. For those of us prone to yeast infections, this is a happy thing.
Admittedly, I have yet to try it out. But my personal desire is for my partner to gently press the bulb as deep inside me as possible while barely grazing my clit with his finger. Preferably with Music for Deep Meditation’s Tibetan Singing Bowls: Journeys to the Seven Chakras resonating through the air, followed by some Portishead, Marvin Gaye and Massive Attack.
To get yours, visit the LuminousLove Toys Indiegogo campaign site, and make a minimum contribution of $75 (which is a discount, since the wand retails for $100).
Do you have a Luminous Love Wand and want to share your experience? Or do you have a question for me about sex, relating, orgasm or anything else that strikes your fancy? Visit The Orgasmic Life on Facebook and send me a message!