Surrender to the Unknown. Follow your Desire. Play. Pleasure. Sex. That's The Orgasmic Life.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
I’m Married, But I Don’t Believe in “The One.”
I’ve never believed in “The One.”
Even as a Disney-obsessed kid, collecting every VHS cartoon I could find, I still didn’t believe in “The One.”
Even today, as I sit in my San Francisco apartment married to a man I convinced is my soul mate, I still don’t believe in “The One.”
I’m not a total cynic nor do I think that love always leads to heartbreak and that relationship is ultimately the death of sex and personal freedom and your own vitality.
I think that the notion of “The One” gets wrapped up in the erroneous belief that as soon as we find someone who loves us, all of our problems get solved and all our needs will always be met and we will never go hungry again.
Dude, if you put that much pressure on anyone, you are destined for disappointment and resentment.
Sometimes, “The One” isn’t just about a romantic relationship. How many times have we said, “If only I had that job/money/workshop/enlightenment/award/fill-in-the-blank-craving, then I would be happy.”
Stop looking for “The One” outside of yourself and recognize that YOU are the one you’ve been waiting for.
You also invite freedom, play and growth into your life. We often use “The One” to satisfy some personal insecurity that we aren’t worthy of love unless we have something outside of ourselves to reflect our lovability.
We also search for “The One” because we fear change and view it as a threat to our survival. We hope that “The One” will provide the stability we so desperately crave. Sorry kids, but that’s just not how life works. And thank goodness for that, for it is that static way of living which is the true culprit in the death of sex and personal freedom and your own vitality.
When you realize that “Happily Ever After” can often look like “What the fuck am I doing? Help me! I don’t know. Fuck it,” then you are more willing to accept every moment as an opportunity to enjoy the ride rather than check out of life on the hungry-ghost hunt.
So here’s a poem from my upcoming book dedicated to all the princesses who are slaying their own dragons, saving themselves and choosing to grow up into Warrior-Queens. When you live life as your own “One,” whole and complete, you walk into relationships not looking for Prince Charming, but for a mature man or woman ready to share an adventure yet-to-be written.
From your perspective It must seem as easy as Drawing the sword from the stone Or soaring on a magic carpet Or spinning straw into gold
But I know myself Princesses only stay pure Through obstinate abstinence
So you’ll find me in the gutter Cigarette in one hand Ice cream in the other And marvel at how easily angels fall
But if you’re brave enough to climb my tower (And make friends with the sleeping dragon) Then don’t try to explain me (Your tongue has better uses) Strip off your armor (Women aren’t won with steel) And succumb to the tumbling embers From the beast (no longer tame) As you rouse beauty from her slumber With a kiss of fairy flame
After all (As Rilke says) Perhaps all the dragons of our lives Are princesses Who are only waiting to see us (Once) Beautiful and Brave